Good Prognosis:
- Your doctor hasn’t seen you yet, and you’ve been waiting for (insert average wait time) hours.
- You’re in a bed in the hallway.
- Your complaint consists of “months” or “years” of pain/nausea/headache/X Y Z.
- You’ve come to the emergency department for a second opinion, despite multiple subspecialist evaluations.
- You answer yes to every symptom the doctor asks you about.
- You get a blood draw, but no IV.
- The only medication you’re given is tylenol.
- Your doctor says the words “probably” and “virus” in the same sentence.
- You are talking on your cellphone, playing a game, or chit-chatting.
- You are talking on your cellphone, playing a game, or chit-chatting and the doctor has to ask you to stop.
- You “just wanted to get it checked out.”
- Your primary care doctor sighs on the phone when the emergency physician calls him or her.
Bad Prognosis:
- You get not one, but two IVs.
- You remark, as my GI bleeder did last night, “Boy, I’ve never been to a hospital so attentive and efficient!”
- You get your own personal doctor to take you to the CT scanner.
- Multiple doctors, nurses, and staff greet you in your room.
- The triage nurse walks you to your room and points at you while speaking to the doctor.
- You get a room all to yourself.
- You get a monitor.
- Your monitor keeps beeping, even though you’re not doing anything.
- Your doctor keeps checking on you.
- Your doctor sticks a finger in your bottom.
- You don’t argue with the doctor about getting this treatment or that one.
- You are kind, good-natured, and have been a good person in this life.
#1 by bostonian in ny - October 8th, 2009 at 14:58
I’d argue that getting a finger in the bottom is somewhat neutral…
#2 by Prunebelly - October 11th, 2009 at 03:15
“You’re kind, good natured, and have been a good person in this life.” Love it.
#3 by Alexis - October 15th, 2009 at 09:14
Bad Prognosis:
1. Your physician cancels the operation at the anesthesiologist’s recommendation.
2. Your doctor says, ‘ Let me refer you to an excellent physician who is a friend of mine and specializes in your condition’.
#4 by howlindawgs - October 15th, 2009 at 19:38
Amen to that, especially the original poster’s last 2. I’ve found the amount of complaining and drama is inversely proportional to the severity of the illness.
#5 by Raj - October 16th, 2009 at 13:11
Agreed .. Nice person = Bad diagnosis
So sad.
#6 by Teeth extraction - January 8th, 2020 at 23:13
great focus on health matters and future development projects.